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Monday, September 20, 2010

The Scary Gay Friend

Hi all.

My extended pit stop in Albuquerque is winding down and I'm afraid I have once again been bitten by the travel bug. I've only been home for around a month since my last trip and already wanderlust has once again taken its toll on me. I feel I am ready to start exploring once again. I learned a lot of lessons from my first trip. The first ring was a balls out adventure through the western US and far southwestern Canada. I spent only a few days in each spot, and unfortunately, passed a lot of great things along the way making haste to my next destination. I spent a ton of cash. I made a few friends, many of whom suddenly seem not to be returning my phone calls/emails/texts and facebook messages.

This bothers me. A lot. A whole great big bunch in fact. It's caused some of the inner voices in my head to wonder what I said/did/thought/presented/am to cause this.

I'm the type of person who wants a lot of wonderful people in my life. I want people who are supportive of me. People who let me crash at their place when I am in town. People who I can reliably get pictures from when their kids celebrate a new birthday if I cannot attend. I want people to ask me to their home for thanksgiving dinner. I want to be considered a close family friend, a confidant, well..... I want to be one of those people that others think highly enough of to participate in their lives and accompany them through this fantastic blessing of life.

One big point of confusion with me is the difference between how we treat other people and how we expect others to treat us. Before you roll your eyes and expect some rant on how we should follow the golden rule, this blog ain't one of those guilt trips. Please resist the urge to pack your emotional baggage. Instead this blog is on eagerness and how we must be willing to both explore, be genuine, but at the same time not give too much of ourselves away to someone new, be the new acquaintance is a romantic interest or new friend.

I've always wondered how many people are privately pushing me away because they know I am gay. What is it about me that is so scary to so many people? Why do I seem to be able to get along with so many people on the surface yet so many seem to slip away? Why do so many not think highly enough of me to return my messages or communications on a timely basis, or at all.....?

Maybe the road is a much more lonely place than I thought it was going to be.

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